Ballot

n. A simple device by which a majority proves to a minority the folly of resistance. Many worthy persons of imperfect thinking apparatus believe that majorities govern through some inherent right; and minorities submit, not because they must, but because they ought.

Bandit

n. A person who takes by force from A what A has taken by guile from B.

Barrister

n. One of the ten thousand varieties of the genus Lawyer. In England the functions of a barrister are distinct from those of a solicitor. The one advises, the other executes; but the thing advised and the thing executed is the client.

Basso-Releivo

n. (Italian.) Low relief. The relief of a sick vulgarian.

Bigot

n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

Book-Learning

n. The dunce’s derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impenitent ignorance.

Brain

n. An apparatus with which we think that we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something from the man who wishes to do something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforked into high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on. In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Selections taken from the Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce as they apply to the 45^th president of the United States.